70 Taylorsville Road, Taylorsville, KY 40071
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Domestic Violence

DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE IS ONE OF THE MOST COMMON CALLS FOR POLICE, IN FACT THERE ARE PROBABLY MORE DOMESTIC COMPLAINTS THAN JUST ABOUT ANY OTHER CALLS. POLICE DISLIKE THESE MORE THAN MANY OTHER CALLS, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE OUTSIDER. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT THEY ARE THERE TO KEEP YOU FROM BEING BEATEN OR KILLED. ( WORSE YET, YOUR CHILD BEING HURT ).

WHEN THE OFFICER ARRIVES, NO ONE WANTS THEIR SPOUSE TO BE MANHANDLED, OR CUFFED. WHEN THE OFFICERS ARE DEALING WITH ONE PERSON, THE SPOUSE CAN INTERFERE QUITE STRONGLY SOMETIMES. THEN IT CAN ESCALATE TO A MORE VIOLENT CONFRONTATION.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ISN'T JUST BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE. IT CAN BE BETWEEN BROTHERS, SISTERS, UNCLES, AUNTS. IT CAN BE BETWEEN LIVE-INS, PEOPLE WHO HAVE CHILDREN IN COMMON, ETC.

THERE WAS A TIME WHEN POLICE USED TO GO TO A DOMESTIC DISTUBANCE, AND SEE SIGNS OF A PHYSICAL FIGHT. EITHER THE WIFE WAS BLOODY, OR MAYBE SHE HAD A BLACK EYE, OR FURNITURE THROWN ALL OVER THE PLACE. THE POLICE WOULD ASK IF EVERYTHING WAS OK. THE WIFE ( IF SHE WAS THE BATTERED ) STATED THAT EVERYTHING WAS FINE. SHE MIGHT FEAR HER SPOUSE, AND WAS AFRAID THAT WHEN THE POLICE LEFT, SHE WOULD BE BEATEN WORSE. THE OFFICERS KNEW THAT IT WASN'T FINE, BUT THEY HAD NO RECOURSE BUT TO LEAVE AFTER WARNING THE SPOUSE CONCERNING HIS BEHAVIOR.

TOO MANY TIMES THE POLICE WERE CALLED BACK AND FOUND THAT THE WIFE WAS UNCONSCIOUS, OR WORSE. IT WAS TOO LATE TO HELP HER NOW.

TODAY THE KENTUCKY LAW READS THAT IF AN OFFICER IS CALLED TO A DOMESTIC FIGHT / ARGUMENT, AND FOUND PHYSICAL SIGNS OF VIOLENCE, AND THEY BELIEVED THE RELATIVE WAS THE PERPETRATOR, THEN THE OFFICER SHALL ARREST THE ABUSER.

THERE ARE DIFFERENT BELIEFS AS TO WHY A PERSON BATTERS. SOME SAY THAT IT IS JUST BECAUSE A PERSON IS MEAN SPIRITED. SOME SAY ITS BECAUSE OF ALCOHOL. ANOTHER VIEW IS THAT A PERSON WAS ABUSED WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG.

WHATEVER THE REASON, IT IS A VOLATILE TIME FOR ALL... THE VICTIM, THE POLICE, AND EVEN THE ABUSER, (SHOULD POLICE GET TO A SCENE AND HAVE TO TAKE STRONG ACTION.)

THE CYCLE

THERE IS A CYCLE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. THOSE WHO SERVE THE PUBLIC KNOW ABOUT THIS CYCLE, AND IT IS PASSED ON MOST OF THE TIME TO THE VICTIM. IT IS ALWAYS AMAZING THAT THE VICTIM CANNOT BELIEVE, OR REFUSES TO BELIEVE THAT THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT SOMEHOW BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THEY HAVE DONE. NO MATTER WHAT A PERSON DOES OR SAYS, THERE IS NEVER A REASON OR EXCUSE FOR PHYSICAL OR MENTAL ABUSE. WALK AWAY BEFORE IT GETS TO THAT POINT. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE RIGHT OR WRONG... WALK AWAY.

LETS LOOK AT THE CYCLE FOR JUST A MINUTE AND WE CAN SEE HOW SOME MIGHT BELIEVE IT WILL GO AWAY.

THERE IS BASICALLY A TIME OF TENSION, WHEN ARGUMENTS AREN'T QUITE SERIOUS, BUT MANY TIMES, IT IS KEPT INSIDE THE PERSON, WHO FAILS TO TALK ABOUT HIS ISSUES. THEN SHORTLY AFTER THIS PERIOD, YOU WILL FIND THAT THE VERBAL ATTACKS INCREASE. NOW ITS NOT JUST ABOUT ISSUES, BUT MANY TIMES THE PERSON ATTACKS THE INTEGRITY OF THE OTHER. NAME CALLING, BELITTLING, CURSING AT THE OTHER, THINGS LIKE: " WHY ISN'T MY DINNER READY", OR "CANT YOU KEEP THOSE KIDS QUIET" , ETC... VERY CLOSE TO EXPLODING.

THEN COMES THE EXPLOSION CYCLE, WHEN A PERSON HAS LET IT BUILD UP INSIDE FOR A WHILE, AND A VIOLENT OUTBURST HAPPENS, WHEN A SLAP, OR SHOVING, OR EVEN HITTING WITH SOMETHING TAKES PLACE.

ALL OF US HAVE SENSED A TIME WHEN WE ARE ABOUT TO "LOSE IT", BUT THE DIFFERENCE IN US IS THAT WE DO NOT FOLLOW THROUGH ON OUR FEELINGS, LIKE THE ABUSER DOES. IN MY OPINION AS WELL AS OTHERS, IT IS A SICKNESS THAT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED AND TREATED BY A PROFESSIONAL.

AFTER THE EXPLOSION, THERE IS A PERIOD OF REMORSE, OR FEELING SORRY THAT THE EXPLOSION HAD HAPPENED. THE ABUSER TRIES TO JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS, BY SAYING THINGS LIKE: " IM SORRY I HIT YOU BUT YOU PUSHED ME TO THE POINT..." AT THIS TIME THE ABUSER PROMISES THAT IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. HE ASKS FORGIVENESS, HE MAKES PROMISES. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ANYONE PROMISE THAT THEY WILL CHANGE? THEY MAKE A PROMISE TO GET COUNSELING AND GO TO CHURCH OR WHATEVER. THE ABUSER KNOWS JUST WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR.

THE NEXT STEP IS CALLED A HONEYMOON STAGE, WHEN EVERYTHING IS GOING SMOOTHLY. FLOWERS ARE BROUGHT, AND FOR A WHILE, THE ABUSER TRIES TO LIVE UP TO WHAT HE HAS PROMISED. IT SEEMS THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS BECAUSE HE HAS "REPENTED" AND IS DOING OK. NOW THIS IS THE ONE YOU MARRIED. THE OTHER ONE WASN'T.

THAT IS THE CYCLE. IT BEGINS... OVER AGAIN. NOW THE CYCLES ARE BECOMING CLOSER TOGETHER. YELLING, EXPLODING, HITTING, SORRY, HONEYMOON. KISSES, KISSES. THEN AGAIN AND AGAIN.

IF YOU ARE BATTERED, YOU CAN LOOK BACK AND REMEMBER THAT IT IS SO. THE VIOLENCE BECOMES MORE VIOLENT. THE HONEYMOON STAGE IS GREAT, AND THAT IS THE TRICK. YOU BELIEVE HE CAN CHANGE, AND YOU DON' T WANT HIM TO BE ARRESTED. YOU LOVE HIM.

BY NOW, THE ARGUING, AND THE HITTINGS ARE RUNNING TOGETHER. THERE IS NO HONEYMOON STAGE, JUST VIOLENCE. IT IS PAST TIME TO GET HELP FROM A COUNSELOR. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE... AS WELL AS THE LIVES OF YOUR CHILDREN.

MANY PEOPLE HAVE IDEAS OF HOW ABUSE STARTS, BUT IT ALWAYS HAS CYCLES TO IT. CLOSER AND CLOSER TOGETHER, AND WHEN IT DOES GET TO THE POINT OF SERIOUS PHYSICAL INJURY TO YOU OR YOUR FAMILY MEMBER...YOU MUST GET OUT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHETHER OUR NOT YOU CAN MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN. THERE ARE AGENCIES TO HELP. YOU WILL MAKE IT. PLEASE... FROM POLICE AGENCIES, AND SOCIAL AGENCIES ACROSS THE COUNTRY. GET HELP FOR YOU BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.

YOU CAN MAKE IT... YOU WILL MAKE IT. IT JUST TAKES THAT FIRST STEP ( WHICH IS ALWAYS THE SCARIEST ), BUT POLICE ARE THERE TO HELP YOU MAKE IT. CONTACT THEM OR THE AGENCIES IN YOUR AREA.

 

BELOW IS A LIST OF CENTERS AND SERVICES TO HELP YOU DURING A VERY DIFFICULT TIME IN YOUR LIFE. MOST HAVE LOCAL OFFICES IN YOUR AREA.

ABUSE AND PHYSICAL ASSAULT SERVICES
BLUEGRASS RAPE AND CRISIS CENTER
502-226-1400
CENTER FOR WOMEN AND FAMILIES
502-581-7200
CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES
502-595-4550
CRIMES AGAINST CHILDREN UNIT
502-574-2465
CRISIS LINE
800-656-4673
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
800-656-4673

 

ALCOHOL, DRUG AND GAMBLING ABUSE

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
502-227-4729
MADD VICTIM CRISIS HOTLINE
800-944-6233
SEVEN COUNTIES SERVICES
800-432-9337

 

CHILDREN AND FAMILY SERVICES

BIG BROTHER / BIG SISTERS 800-201-8797
CHILD HELP USA
800-422-4453
GIRLS AND BOYSTOWN NATIONAL HOTLINE
800-448-3000
NATIONAL CENTER FOR MISSING AND EXPLOITED CHILDREN
800-843-5678
SUICIDE PREVENTION BLUEGRASS REGIONAL MENTAL HEALTH
800-928-8000
SEVEN COUNTIES SERVICES INC.
800-432-9337

 

WOMEN'S SERVICES

CENTER FOR WOMEN AND FAMILIES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
877-803-7577
CENTER FOR WOMEN AND FAMILIES ( SHELBYVILLE KY HOTLINE )
502-633-7800
NATIONAL CENTER FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
800-799-7233

 

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